The Hiring Manager-Recruiter Cycle: When Relationships Turn Transactional
- 5 days ago
- 2 min read
You were an employed hiring manager. A recruiter who took you out for coffee last month won't return your call this month. The only thing that changed? Your job status.
Welcome to the hiring manager-recruiter relationship cycle. A four-act play you never auditioned for.
ACT ONE: The Courtship
When you're hiring, recruiters pursue you relentlessly. Coffee meetings. Lunch invitations. They remember your projects. The relationship feels real.
ACT TWO: The Vanishing Act
Then you become a job seeker.
Sarah, who you've met quarterly for three years? Silent.
Marcus, who said "let me know how I can help"? No reply.
Jenny, who "values our relationship regardless"? Voicemail never returned.
You weren't a relationship. You were a revenue opportunity.
ACT THREE: The Awakening
While processing the ghosting, you discover the job market you never understood.
You apply to 60 roles. You hear back from 4. You get auto-rejected by algorithms you probably approved. You're ghosted after final rounds.
ACT FOUR: The Reunion
Six months later, you land a new role.
"Congrats on the new role! 🎉 Let's grab coffee!"
It's Sarah. Marcus. Jenny. All back. Like nothing happened.
THE REALITY
I've spoken with countless tech leaders who've lived this cycle. It's disturbingly common.
Not every recruiter operates this way. The exceptional ones stay professional through career transitions. They're rare and valuable.
But the majority? They vanish when you can't generate revenue and reappear when you can.
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT
"That recruiter ghosted me. They're not getting my reqs."
"This agency never responded. I'm using their competitor now."
Today's job seeker is tomorrow's hiring manager. People remember.
THE QUESTION
I get it. Recruiters are busy. They have targets.
But do professional relationships need to be THIS transactional?
Right now, a hiring manager is having coffee with a recruiter, thinking it's genuine.
Right now, a job seeker is wondering why that recruiter won't call back.
Right now, someone just got congratulated by the recruiter who ghosted them.
Does it have to be this way?
Hiring managers: Have you experienced this? Recruiters: Tell me I'm wrong.
Comments